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I guess I missed the chapter in "The Art of the Deal" about getting rejected by the Freedom Caucus. 
Just so you know, only looking out for yourself and abandoning everyone else isn't very Christian like. You know that's true.
"I am the way, the truth and the lasagna." - Cheeses of Nazareth
My TV got hacked at Superbowl halftime. I saw a Puerto Rican Strip Club on Spanish language channel, old crotch grabbin' hussies.
It started with a Bat. Then toilet paper. Now we are going nuts in quarantine. We really have gone Bat $#!t Crazy!
If you think that the Kendall Jenner commercial is the worst thing Pepsi ever created, let me remind you that Pepsi also makes Mountain Dew.
Bars are opening early Thursday. Russian vodka shots 1/2 price....
When asked why he was wearing a tuxedo to his vasectomy. Tyrone said, well if I'm gona be impotent, I might as well look impotent.
I still not comfortable with how we spell coffee.
The gender reveal device that started those fires in California must've said the kid was gonna be a flamer.
Ah doan care what any of y'all say, ain't no man likes a tattoo on da tiddy.
CNN, CBS, ABC, NBC News and Facebook did to our parents what they said video games would do to us.
I don’t go to Starbucks very often. It’s intimidating. I never know how to order. Last time I ended up with a cup of hot dog water.
even my six year old knows you would have to be an immature loser to tweet a complete falsehood about a foe and wait ten days to admit you didn't actually mean what you wrote.
After the President asked for an intelligence audit, the FBI review showed that no signs of intelligence could be found at the White House.
I'm not a professional pilot, but I can wear a pair of aviator glasses and helicopter my wiener in the front yard for like 3 hours straight! :-D
Global Warming would not be a problem if people would stop producing so much hot air complaining about Global Warming.
I don't what the big deal is with Michael Sam. NASCAR has had Jeff Gordon for years! Bahahahaha!
i will destroy you in the most beautiful way
I don't care for how many years human beings have been following a certain routine, custom or culture, if it doesn't make sense to me imma still gonna question it. 