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"They" say money and sex is the root of all evil. Well I think "they" are just poor virgins 
Fellas--you CAN be friends with women, but if she's got those eyes that awaken the beast within, then relax and go see a movie by yourself.
I want to say I deserve better and mean it. I want to say I give up and believe it. I want to say I'm moving on and do it.
blonde: ugghh what does idk mean? random girl: I don't know! blonde: omg no one knows!!!!!!!!!
Being attractive means not having to worry about sexual harrassment suits.
Just wrote a new song "I Can't Get Over a Girl Like You So Get Up and Answer The Phone Yourself"
People have champagne taste with a beer budget in a materialistic world...
Based on what politicians say it appears they care more about my future than I do.
If I cut you off,chances are high that you gave me the scissors
I'd insult your intelligence if you had any. Sadly, your stupidity has no boundaries.
So bored with being bored because being bored is boring!
that annoying moment when you close the wrong tab
Goals for 2014: 1) 2) 3) 4) Don't die
WORK THIS WEEK??? - My MIND TELLING me NOOOOOoooo!!!, but my wallet telling me...dude You need more alcohol!!
happy 2 month anniversary to my 29 open browser tabs!
Sometimes a status I have worked so hard on goes unnoticed and unliked. So I get it women who spent two hours getting ready and your boyfriend doesn’t even notice.
Breaking: Denver complaining of contact high...they swear.
Dear Monday.. I hate u...
April Fools this year falls on a Tuesday. I want to order a case of the stick figure family stickers and head over to the mall and randomly put them on people’s windows just to confuse the hell out of them when they come out to find their vehicles. Whoâ
A skeleton walks into a bar.He ordered a beer & a mop. 