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A little slower please, pedestrian crossing the street. I don't really like making the green light anyway. 
I believe the stud finder is the most self-esteem raising carpentry tool
If its any consolation, I didn't get lucky last night either.
at the next awards' show, Lady Gaga will begin her performance by being squeezed from a cow's udders
I'm not as dumb as you look!
...You cannot predict how people think because even cows cross the road in the pale moonlight
Don't get mad when I don't do what you would have done, your rules don't apply to everyone else.
"They" say money and sex is the root of all evil. Well I think "they" are just poor virgins
Fellas--you CAN be friends with women, but if she's got those eyes that awaken the beast within, then relax and go see a movie by yourself.
I want to say I deserve better and mean it. I want to say I give up and believe it. I want to say I'm moving on and do it.
blonde: ugghh what does idk mean? random girl: I don't know! blonde: omg no one knows!!!!!!!!!
Being attractive means not having to worry about sexual harrassment suits.
Just wrote a new song "I Can't Get Over a Girl Like You So Get Up and Answer The Phone Yourself"
People have champagne taste with a beer budget in a materialistic world...
Based on what politicians say it appears they care more about my future than I do.
If I cut you off,chances are high that you gave me the scissors
I'd insult your intelligence if you had any. Sadly, your stupidity has no boundaries.
So bored with being bored because being bored is boring!
that annoying moment when you close the wrong tab
Goals for 2014: 1) 2) 3) 4) Don't die 