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hates it when people are late...i feel like their stealing my a piece of my life 
wondering what happened to the California Raisins? Did they break up? Did they settle down and have any little Grapes?
Cant remember the original punchline as to why the chicken crossed the road ?! Little help ??
It's not so much that "I don't like" my neighbors as "I hate 'em"
There's no one I relate to less than my relatives.
Life's a beach....and i'm playing in the sand...
You couldn't get laid in a womens prison with a handful of pardons!
Studies show that excessive poking can make you go blind.
letdown. Crop circles just don't have the same mystique in backyard grass. (mood: disappointed)
is the natural alternative to paracetamol and vodka....yes ladies you heard it here first LOL
Tito must be taking relationship lessons from Van Damme
It's funny how after an argument is over you begin to think about more clever things you should have said...
My ten year old son is wearing Axe deodorant to school today, so lets hope I'm not a granddad 9 months from now.
Just got back from the ER. They told me that my Gallbladder was unremarkable. I'm kind of fond of it though.
You would think with all the money Dora has, she could buy a GPS instead of relying on "the map"
Dear people who keep referring back to the good old days, why don't you stop using toilet paper and revert back to leaves so we can know your days were all that
I meant to tell her she's weird but ended up writing wired. Anyway, still appropriate coz you know, NSA.
If you don't want the answer to smack you straight in the mouth then I think it's probably best left un said!
Any argument where she says I can do whatever I want always ends with me not doing whatever I want to do.
May your valentine's day be full of all the sinful things people give up for Lent!! 