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I'm sick of women who label themselves as a BBW. All of you who say you're a BBW are just Big Bodied Whales. Stop trying to make yourself feel better for being 5'5 and 200 lbs by saying you're a big beautiful woman. 
Sorry U.S. Football/Futball/Soccer team. You just weren't "Ghana" win.
fighting ninja's.
If I ever get married again, the woman I marry must have worked at Subway at some point in their life. I need to know they have experience making me sammiches. :-)
If couples who are in love are called "LOVED BIRDS", then couples who argue should be called "ANGRY BIRDS".
When I was a kid I prayed for a skateboard, then I realized God doesn't work that way, so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness
I bought the book, Fear by Bob Woodward, what a fantastic read.
Love is never having to use a c ondom.
I loveee how my iPhone looks without a case but it's too risky......
If your name is Kristen, Kirsten or Kristin, your little game of madness is over. You're all Bob now. Understood? No more of this nonsense.
No worries, the Romney/Ryan camp is sending out folders of woman and a pair of magic underwear to all of the disgruntled supporters.
You can pick your nose and pick your friends, but you can't wipe your friends on the back of the couch and you're not even reading this anymore are you...
You're not a douche because you paint your face and dress up with spikes on your shoulder pads, you're a douche because you're a Raiders fan!!!
making a list and checking it twice......Its a hit list and you do not want to be on it!
Dont leave alphabet soup on the stove it could spell disaster.
Call from telemarker with a hot sexy voice = No need for internet porn today!
I got 99 problems but a mother f**king jay z ticket aint one of them.
persuade the Canadians to take back Justin Bieber like they have already taken our gold medal.
told my husband, if you don't become more mature, you are going to erect a wall between us, he said hahahaha you said erect!!
loves those nights that turn into mornings and those friends that turn into lovers 