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Confucius Say: Girl who go on fishing trip with 6 men, come back with red snapper. 
I just don't understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance. Is there something dirty about car insurance we should know about?
President Obama is asking if they can build a statue of Manny Pacquiao to scare off Mexicans from crossing the US border!
why hasn't there been a woman on the moon yet? cause it does not need cleaning yet!
overheard in the Oval Office: "If Bristol Palin wins tonight, we bomb Alaska in 10 minutes."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagin@...
Megan Fox will not be acting in Transformers 3. The same was true in Transformers 1 and 2.
can't wait to watch his favourite Christmas movie, "The Christmas That Almost Wasn't Due To Santa's Urinary Tract Infection"
A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing......
wonders if ghost say "I see living people"?!
if paper beats rock, then let me throw a rock at you while you hold up a piece of paper.
Please don't BRO me, I am a single child and I'm white.
It's pretty funny to strap a Christmas tree to the roof of your car, light it on fire, and drive around like nothing's wrong.
As a Truck Driver, let me say after several days of mid 90 degree temps, beaver season is in full swing.
Inspired by T.G.I. Fridays, I opened a restaurant called C.L.I. Tuesdays. No one could find it.
Facebook share value went from $38 to $43 already. Now Facebook has sufficient funds to install aircraft landing lights on Rihanna's forehead.
#HOODTRANSLATIONS: "take one for the team bruh" = while I'm with this attractive female, please occupy her friend who is strong in the face.
the line was so long at chick fil a, I got some KFC to eat while I waited...
Former Olympic Skater Nancy Kerrigan was arrested today on a DUI.....She blew 8.6 /7.8 /5.6 /.6.7/and 7.3
I wonder if clouds look down on us and say "Hey look! That one looks like an idiot." 