Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I only take half a vitamin because I haven't decided if I wanna live forever.

   I need new Haters, the old ones are starting to like me.

   Hey Girl Scouts, let mom handle my cookie transaction. I don't have all day to watch you practice math..

   Honey, I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder...

   i wasn't that drunk ?!!! dude you threw a toothpick in the forest, and yelled "ur home "

   Ben of Ben & Jerry’s has come out with an ice cream inspired by sleepy Joe.. A carton costs $3.99 but when you include inflation, it’s $900

   In your faces, libtards! Mexico confirmed they are paying for the wall.

   I decided to use Craigslist to do all my Christmas shopping. Look's like everyone's getting used couches this year.

   Can I refill your eggnog for ya? Get ya something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere, leave ya for dead?

   I was going to ask my wife for her honest view on sexist jokes..she was too busy cooking though.

   Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Slim Fast, all rubbish. You want to lose weight? Move to England. The food is horrid.

   Did you eat a bowl of frosted flakes this morning ? Cause you look GRRRREEAATT

   99% percent of Republicans think that they are Rich...1% are.

   Biden says he doesn't want to talk about his predecessor. I know exactly how he feels.

   In honor of Michael Jackson's birthday, their family requests that all child actors wear their pants at "half-staff" today.

   Freedom comes with wisdom, and no religion wants people to be free.

   I just switched on Airplane mode on my phone. Fecking Russians launched missiles at it.

   40 y/o women are like stray cats. A little attention and they'll never leave...

   Yesterday, Jesus, son of Mary arose from the dead. This morning... Bob, son of Joan... did not fare as well.

   can ride their bike with no handle bars