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Everything happens for a reason, and that reason is that life is totally random. 
the difference between try and triumpth is just a little bit of umpth!
noticed it's very difficult these days to find something on television that doesn't have to do with cake! :/
my dogs weird. I flip him off and he just wags his tail
Irene is on her way and she looks mean, wet and wild. So make sure you prepare yourself for the beat down..
It's so hot out... the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
You should be ashamed if the only book you opened all summer was facebook
Been in the back yard trip'in on shrooms... Stepped on those slippery little b@stards and busted my ass.
In hard times like this, we need to call upon "Duck Dodgers in the 24th and a half century!"
If they give you a bib when eating lobster, they should definitely give you a diaper for Indian food
If you hear your past calling, change your phone number...;-):-P
going to help support the Greek Debt Crisis by eating more Greek Dressing . . . .and Bakliva
My Bathroom scale just did 0 to 235 in 3 seconds, who needs a sports car? Wow thats fast........
Turned my iphone's airplane mode and still won't fly...
Don't reach for the stars. You'll just look like a idiot stretching for no reason.
Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
- The biggest Lie Ever: "I have read the Terms and Conditions".
very funny Scotty; now beam down my clothes !!!
bringing sexy back. after a long court battle I got full custody
Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage as they have wizened to the fact that for 200 grams of sausage, it's not worth buying the entire pig! 