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My car is leaking oil. Can I blame BP? 
Team Edward? Team Jacob? How about Team Dracula you pansies!!!!
wondering why people say HAVE A SAFE FLIGHT like I am the piolet or something.
What is a horse shoe? What does a horse shoe do? Are there any horse socks? Is anybody listening to me?
If roses are red and violets are blue, then what colour is violet?
an appetite for destruction...and he is starving this week
ǝǝɹʇ ɐ ɯoɹɟ ƃuıƃuɐɥ sı
Bacon is fried chicken for whyte people.
Oprah, you don't need a purse, you need a mumu!!
Bet if a gunman opened fire while Obama was onstage yesterday....he would use them as human shields!! Kinda like he is doing now!!
In fairness, we've been building 'ground zeros' near Iraqi mosques since March 2003.
If anybody slips and falls down at mid field in the second half I'm blaming the sweat that dripped from Madonna's vag.
This holiday season, keep it green...smoke joints, not cigarettes.
You never hear songs about wishing they could all be Texas girls.
sometimes when I bleed I pretend I just had a red Gatorade and that i'm just sweating like a pro
Oh you hate your job? Theres a support group for that, its called everybody. They meet at the bar.
refusing to take NO for an answer, Big Ben just raped the Lombardi Trophy.
motto of the day is: Sin, Repent, Repeat.
people are so quick to tell a smoker that cigarettes killed their grandma. They leave out that she was 90 yrs old. Maybe that was part of the reason too.
If you can sing Jingle Bells without jiggling your "gentleman's sausage" then you're way more mature than me. 