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He's still my impeached president. 
Jesus said: "Heal the sick, feed the poor", and Romney said "What, for free?"
My favourite sexual position is 'The Obama'. It's where I choose someone who promises me wonderful things but over time screws me over.
Rooster+Rooster=No Egg....Hen+ Hen= No Egg....Rooster+ Hen=Egg/Chicken........Now you know why Chick-fil-a supports traditional couples!
Immigrants are like sperm, millions get in but only one works...
Breaking News! You can "QUIETLY" be a Christian and leave people who believe in something more substantial, believable, reasonable, realistic and is NOT a mere product of mental invention......Learn to stay in your lane dummies.
I think “Recession” is when your neighbor loses his job. “Depression” is when you lose yours. And “Recovery” is when Obama loses his.
I watch truTV and CSI so much that I even wipe my fingerprints off the remote after I turn off the TV.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Facebook doesn't need a "dislike" button what it needs is a " noody effin cares" or get over yourself your really not that special button"
I can't help but laugh at that Shake Weight commercial. If you've seen it, you know exactly why
getting a tattoo of Tattoo from Fantasy Island.
The gov't shut down hurts all the way to the top. Today, Obama could only afford to play mini golf...
Anti-psychotics, but for religious fanatics.
Let me get this straight... People who believed President Obama was born in Kenya and that there would be FEMA camps, and that Hillary ran a child sex ring from a pizza joint.... are SKEPTICAL of US intelligence.
I ate too much salad over the weekend so I'm going on an Oreo cleanse today.
Dropped a piece of ice in the kitchen. Kicked it under the fridge...
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and sh!t a better argument then that!!
Breaking: Michelle Bachmann calls for immediate release of US Predator drone pilots downed by Iran......
whoever said money doesn't grow on trees obviously has never sold weed 