Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
If David Letterman moves to Canada, does he have to change his last name? 
I think I'm going to make chocolate covered Tide Pods for Valentine's day
Most teenagers are treated like children. But are expected to act like adults.
Salt and sugar look the same. Be careful who you trust.
The smog is so bad in my city that in the mornig the birds wake me by coughing in stead chirping.
Hey, I know. Let's make it real hard for people to murder other people.
Being lazier right now than the guy who designed the Japanese flag
My wife says I'm the kind of person she has to warn people about in advance and apologize for afterwords.
"Shutting the hell up about your diet" is also a way of losing calories
Mom: you're all dressed up, where are you going? Daughter: To the bathroom, I need a new picture for my facebook profile.
Can I take my emotional support horse on a plane?
Resistance is not Futile ... it is Voltage over Current
Bacon is loaded with sodium, nitrates, grease and animal fat...... Breakfast
Him: Hey girl, what that mouth do? Me: Mostly complain. Sometimes binge eat. I also get these weird sores that - wait, where are you going?
So it's been reported that Trevor Baylis has passed away?
Is this a wind up?
I raised my daughter to believe she can do anything but that did not include eating cheesecake in the shower
Like if you ever got charged for not rewinding a VHF tape
I don't run from my problems.i sit on the couch,play with my phone,and ignore them like all other adults.
You know how people duck when they walk under helicopter blades? I don't.
OK I get it, two wrongs don't make a right. But what are talking here? 500? 600? I am almost to 600. 