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The weather today was good enough for me to feel ashamed about my body. 
Bernie Sanders' campaign has had more endings than The Lord Of The Rings.
Holy Crap ..... I just found a Pokemon in my Toilet!!!
Pokemon is the Japanese word for Revenge.
"But apart from that , How did you enjoy the play Mrs. Lincoln"
... it's so damn HOT out there I'm not even going out to look for Pokemon.
This Pokemon Go app is getting way too serious ..... My doctor said he found a Pokemon in my Chest X-Ray
Question: Is sexual healing covered by Obamacare?
Haven't tried heroin yet, but I imagine the rush is like remembering I have pie in the fridge.
Oxygen was discovered in 1772.... what did people breathe before then?
Just heard on the radio that former child star McCauley Culkin may soon get married for a second time...... I guess he was tired of being "Home Alone."
Stop checking my Status , Go and love your GF
Females don't want much from you except your time, attention, space, food, shirts, fun, bed covers, genitals, passwords, credit cards, life and soul.
Get lost in nature during a hike and you will definitely not find yourself, more like you could quite possibly die....
We know Black Lives Matter, we're just trying to figure out why
Life is good .... the alternative is not.
There was this woman who always juxtaposed the letters in LMAO whenever I told a joke. She'd put LAMO. I tired to correct her. She said, "No, your jokes are lame."
"I cant wait for your tell all book hillary" - OJ
Hey, you guys remember when the GOP Congress refused to increase funding for worldwide Embassy Security? Probably not.
I can't believe they're going to remake Little Women with an all-female cast. 