Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
retired. I was tired yesterday, and I'm tired again today! 
Earlier I saw a guy wearing "Skinny Jeans" waiting at a crosswalk, so I decided to gas it for two main reasons. First I refuse to stop & wait on any guy wearing "Skinny Jeans" & Secondly If he walked out in front of me I would be doing the world a favor!
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. What do you mean? responded her mother. Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another...
I feel a need to apologize. My wife just got back from Wal Mart and apparently, she bought it all. I'm very sorry for any problems this may cause other shoppers...
Getting ready to go get me a box of Twinkies and Donuts. Duh, Winning.
According to a recent survey... Arizona is the 29th happiest state in the U.S... I'm not sure how I feel about that...
I think Charlie Sheen should be asked to be on "Dancing with the Stars"... that would be a TRAIN WRECK...
Charlie Sheen is just living MY life....with A LOT more money
My toilet swallows so many loads that I purchased a wig to go over the tank.
Caught myself singing to Lady Gaga - Born this Way, while shaving my legs. Lmfao
When I was growing up, it was just called "the changing of the seasons"
wondering if a butterflies wish they could get a tattoo of a woman on their shoulder.
this "by name" person needs a burning stick OR a red hot poker shoved up their izass
I think I discovered time travel...I put instant coffee in the microwave.
I disapprove of every conspiracy of which I am not a part of.
When a woman marries again, it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck; men risk theirs.
for every pinch, you get a kick in the lucky charms! Feeling lucky?!
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
Why are there laws against texting while driving and drinking while driving... but not texting while drinking?
The Dentist is the only man certified to say to a woman, "Lay down, relax, open wide, say ahh, now spit." 