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Who loves you more; your wife or your dog? Try this test: Lock both of them in the basement for 24 hours. The next day when you open the door, which one will be happy to see you? There's your answer. 
Tic toc tic toc tic toc it will soon be MULLER TIME
Now that Hugh Hefner
has passed away,
do the bunnies get the house?
From 10 to 250 and RISING.
That old pervert is gone
So....:it's not okay to have children deported, but it is okay to have them aborted? How does that make sense?!
Hugh Hefner dead at 91.... =( Good thing he had so many reasons to keep it up for so long
I took a knee today. My shoe was untied. It wasn't a statement. Just wanted to let everyone to know.
Got some good financial news today. The kid I've been sponsoring in some third-world country got eaten by a lion.
NASCAR, you will do as your told just like you were trained.
NFL= NOT FOR LONG
I'm more excited than a long line of f@t ladies in the grocery store express lane that have their arms filled with Halo Top Diet Ice Cream on a buy one get one free special.
NFL is seeing that disrespecting the flag is really bad for business...it's causing division & no unity! The left is NEVER morally correct!
Tweet others the same way you want them to tweet you.
Draft dodgers always have the most to say about patriotism in an attempt to clear their guilty conscience.
Did the kid who was voted most likely to succeed back in high school...succeeded yet?
Honestly, it's not the way I look that reveals my age. It's my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.
How about you take a knee and protest the next time you get stopped by the police rather than running or fighting
My x-Girlfriend's cell phone got more attention than I did. I asked her, how long does it have to vibrate before you get off !
Why is it that people who are the loudest about demanding respect are the ones who have done the least to earn it? 