Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
When I was young I took drugs to blow my mind. Now I take drugs not to lose it. 
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity makes for a better legal defense.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll keep you posted.
If the movies have taught me anything it's that sooner or later that car chase is gonna crash through a fruit stand.
I don't know about you, but I've thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.
Costco: Where you can go broke saving money...
My goal for 2018 is to accomplish goals of 2017,which I should have done in 2016,cause I promised them in 2015 and planned them in 2015
It's just a mater of time before bathrooms will eventually be called Selfie Rooms
It's so cold out I walked into my bank and the tellers were wearing ski masks
I went to the doctor because I couldn’t stop listening to Tom Jones. He told me it’s not unusual
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and wonder, where in the hell are the dream police!
When the shovel was invented, it was a ground breaking experience.
Question for the 84 year old widow who just won the Mega Millions jackpot: Sup, girl?
Guys, if you're not married, but thinking about it, remember; a wife is like a hand grenade.
Remove the ring, and the house is gone.
Just got scammed out of $15. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes." Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money.
Husband and wife are in bed watching "Who Wants to be a Millionaire". The husband asks for sex. The wife says, "No." Her husband asks, "Is that your final answer?" She responds, "Yes." He says, "Then, Id like to phone a friend."
Someone should open a Gym in just the month of January and call it "resolutions"
There is a company called Kia and a company called Nokia. I’m not sure who to believe
Winter storm named Grayson sounds like it should be wearing a tweed jacket
my new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth 