Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   As an adult, I use nunchucks way less than I expected.

   no better reminder to visit your dentist than a trip to Walmart.

   How do members of Isis practice safe sex? A. They mark the camels that kick.

   What's up with refried beans? Once should be enough.

   Never let your mouth be Broadband when your brain's on Dial Up.

   Jooz always starting something.

   Tribute Bands: Making money off the hard work of the stars they attempt to emulate because they don't have a single, original thought in their empty skulls.

   I just found out I have 100% body fat. That means I'm basically a can of Crisco. 😛

   Happy Father's Day to all the wonderful dads out there who are killing it. This one's for you!!!

   Did you hear the latest ICE joke? It's a riot!!!

   I don't understand the Indian people. They win spelling bees, but can't keep a plane in the air.

   Hello, Delta? Yes I'd like to reserve seat 11A. That's correct, 11A. What? You already have 242 passengers booked in 11A?

   BREAKING: Ed the Zebra spotted in Sunrise, FL. Witnesses say he distracted the Panthers long enough for the Oilers to sneak in an OT winner. Sources confirm he’s now demanding a Stanley Cup ring.

   Ed the zebra galloped across Tennessee. The Oilers galloped across Florida’s defense. Both ended up airborne—one in a helicopter, the other in OT euphoria.

   BREAKING: The Edmonton Oilers just pulled an Ed the Zebra—broke loose, dodged the Florida Panthers, and soared into OT glory like they were being airlifted out of Florida.

   Due to lack of punch buggies on the road nowadays, the new game is Tesla Sass Slap.

   Where are the water cannon trucks? Give them turds a flush.

   My wife and I were happy for 23 years. Then, we met.

   To all the injured rioters out there—might want to apply a little ICE to those wounds!

   I don't care how good looking you are if you don't have any brains." -Zombies