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I throw a dart at my wall calendar to decide what day it is. Thanks to my bad aim, today is Window. 
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it. ..... happy thursday everyone
text from a female: "Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless."
Tough decisions... Beat off in the shower and waste water or use Kleenex and add to landfill? What can I say? I love Mother Earth and big titties.
jumped off the building so he can fly. Now if I could jus grow some wings
life is a journey. The bus is just late
decided to donate some fat, any takers??
lying in my lovers arms...ahhh my arms are soo soft
As I'm getting older I've noticed my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used
guesses Chris Brown sure taught Rihanna how to breathe with "no air"
has secretly replaced the Parmesan cheese shaker with a used Pedi-Egg. Will her guests be able to tell the difference?
stuck in the moment and he can't get out of it...
watching the news and doesn't understand the fuss about gay marriages and weddings...flowers, classical music, people dancing to the village people and sister sledge...aren't all weddings Gay?
wouldnt be caught dead with a necrophiliac!
believes that just thinking about acupuncture is pointless.
"kinky is using a feather, perverted is using the whole chicken!"
pretty much an exclamation mark in human form...
thinks the last place he'd like to be beamed is "Up Scotty"
wondering where he can get a hardcover version of Facebook
calculating the square root of tomorrow 