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friends are quiet angels that lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. 
A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
Ooo My God! Did you know Michael Jackson is dead!
a Person In Management Position (PIMP)
god made Adam and Eve NOT Adam and Steve
far from broke got enough bread && mad hoes ask bevis I get nuthn butt.head;;
Can't find my job location on his Gps. so I just can't make it to work today
redefining the art of procrastinating by....(oh let's wait, I'll tell you later).
wonders why is it that when a man talks nasty to a woman it's harassment, but when a woman talks nasty to a man it's £3.99 a minute
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
thought he just saw osama bin ladin driving a taxi in NY
He just wants 2 kids but never NO WIFES!!!!
Mr. Solo Dolo.
out of order! Thanks, Management
My Love is Like Wow! My Family is like Heaven, My Friends are the Best, & I'm Completely Happy!
can speaks spanish in french..
"Impotence" natures way of saying "No Hard Feelings"
A little bird ,With a little bill. Sat upon my windowsill. I fed it up with bits of bread. And then I crushed his stupid freakin head! OOOOO YEA 