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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. 
This isn't burger king, you can't have it your way.
Never say "OOPS!" always say "Ah, Interesting!"
If you can't say anything nice...come sit by us.
If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
Don't talk about yourself so much... we'll do that when you leave.
Don't follow in my footsteps, because I run into a lot of walls.
We all can't be heroes. Somebody has to sit on the sides and clap as they go by.
Do not believe in miracles, rely on them.
Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
My favorite poem is the one that starts "Thirty days have September" because it actually tells you something.
The more you think about things, the weirder they seem. Take this milk. Why do we drink *cow* milk?? Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said, "I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze 'em.
Don't worry about what people think. They don't do it very often.
thinks there are 3 types of people in this world, those that can count and those that cant!
doesn't drink anymore, doesn't drink any less either
like superman just without the cape
hiding porn before his gf comes home
decided that he's not gonna lower his standards to raise yours!!!
thinks that the song 'Take You Down' by Chris Brown was actually a message to Rihanna.
loves peoples faces when she says stupid one-liners, takes her shades off and runs away like Horatio on CSI:Miami... no wonder he loves to do that, its so much fun! 