Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If ten percent is good enough for God; it should be good enough forObama...

   You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

   Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

   Parachute for sale. Never opened. Used once. Slight stain...

   I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

   Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.....

   If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague

   There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither theory works.

   A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

   If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

   The sign said “This door to remain closed at all times” Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that defeat the purpose of a door?

   “Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.”

   I went to the bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

   A good rule of thumb is, if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error.

   n't it ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies people more than the thought of eternity.

   If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near forty.

   If I play a blank tape with the volume turned up, will the mime next door go nuts?

   A girl phoned me and said, “Come on over. There's nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home!

   If God sneezed, what would you say to him?

   A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.