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just watched CSI: Ozarks. The case went unsolved. Everyone's DNA was the same and there were no dental records. 
thinks he messed up. One of my wife's girlfriends came over to the house crying yesterday and asked me to console her. So I hit her over the head with my Playstation.
wonders at what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?
wanna brag about how many followers you have and don't know, talk about useless crap, and prove to people how lonely you are.....Then join Twitter.
When Life Hands You: High Fructose Corn Syrup, Citric Acid, Ascorbic Acid, Maltodextrin, Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate, Magnesium Oxide, Calcium Fumaratem, Yellow #5, Natural and Artificial Flavours.....Make Lemonade!
waiting for the "hot now" sign to light up at the Krispy Kreme shop..
wants a footlong from Subaway...or something else with same amount of inches or greater... :)
wondering why so many people "wonder" on Facebook. Can't they just commit to their thoughts full on?
: God must have facebook...everyone seems to pray on it
off to work to support the government, so they can support everyone but me
stuck in the red twisty tube at chuck e cheese....being poked at and laughed at by brats!
decorating the office with post-it notes
when the grass looks greener on the other side, it could be that there's a septic tank over there.....
Came out the gym the other day and someone asked me how I got that body.I said, "I don't know officer, I just opened the boot and there she was".
Who else, when they buy a magazine with a CD on the front, picks off the glue that holds it in place and rolls it around their fingers like it's some kind of mega snot?
I got my gf a bag and a belt for her birthday. She wasn't happy, but the hoover works fine now
What has 10 brain cells, 200 legs and 400 children? Jeremy Kyle's Audience.
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to pick on rich women than biker gangs.
│▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒│ scratch it! The jackpot is a NOBEL PRIZE!!! who knows you may b the next winner…
Likes to practice my "emergency situation" speed at by pretending I'm being chased by zombies or a murderer every time I unlock the door or start the car at night. 