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If you post a pic of the temperature in your car on Facebook the University of Phoenix will email you a Meteorology degree. 
As a Fat bottomed girl, I'm not sure how we're expected to make the Rockin' world go round. That sounds *way* too much like exercise to me
60 Minutes would be a better show if they played that ticking noise the entire time.
Remember those girls in college who neatly highlighted all of their text books in pink? They work at the cosmetic counter at Macy’s now.
I'm no scientist, but wouldnt fat bottomed girls, if anything, slow the rocking world down?
One crazy fantasy I have is having any energy to do things after work.
How about a really bad food court where planes land? – Pitch for every airport
The fancier the design on the back pocket of the jeans, the less fancy the person.
@shanethevein It's not so much that I'm a KE$HA hater, its more of the fact that I'm a music lover.
I'm not in a relation"ship," I'm in a relation"barge" that's towing emotional garbage all day long.
Did this many people have birthdays before Facebook?
Maybe the Mayan world-ending prediction in 2012 was more of a suggestion
spotted six Pokémon today but I don't have the app so I may need new meds..
Teacher: You failed your exam. Student: You failed to teach me.
Children are the future..... but probably not your children.
I've been eating cucumber slices instead of chips and when I close my eyes, I pretend I'm eating something more enjoyable, like broken glass or rusty nails.
ME: (in prison) Come on man! I know you can bust us out of here! KOOL-AID MAN: *closes his bible and looks up* I’m not about that life anymore.
Someone just caught me picking my nose at a stop light. Had to just cut my losses and run the red light.
thank you for the funny jokes and tweets again.. ahhhhh
Hormones are cool if you like crying during dog food commercials. 