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I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot 
I hate it when people repost statuses. By the way, I'm gathering rocks to throw at you.
My girlfriend has a weird fetish, she likes to dress up like herself and act like a b!tch every night.
I am Nigerian Prince. If you click “like” I send you 17 Billion Dollars. I am very genuinelyness
Aw sh!t…im the only black person in my african studies class. This could be awkward…
When gays hack into their gay mate's facebook accounts, do they change the status to, “I'M STRAIGHT AND I LOVE EATING PU$$Y!”?
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
i am so tired of not being able to swear in my statuses since my family got facebook. So f&ck it. Sorry grandma.
no woman will ever be truely satisfied because no man will ever have a chocolate penis that ejaculates money…
Roses are Red, Winters are Cold, Now get on your knees and Do what you're told!
went three doors down & fell into a puddle of mudd...had to tie a slipknot to get out>>
's 3 year old daughter has shown herself to be a real woman. She has no interest in baseball and had no interest in Daddie until baseball came on.
How about you climb down from your high pedestal and join the rest of us! This is where you belong anyways...
Onomatopoeias are one thing, but then there are words that look like what they are... like bed.
Woo hoo Got a new Job today at the Anheuser Factory, Does not pay anything and no benefits but I am their new Taster. Like they say what doesn't kill you makes you Drunker.
thinks if your dog is wearing clothes, you're probably an a-hole.
only updating my status because my legions of fans expect me to.
SURGEON GENERAL WARNING: The amount of Alcohol consumed can directly increase the amount of facebook activity.
How come we can't say the word n*gro in a song but can have a group called Uncle Kracker?
life is too short for regrets, so stop fighting ur enemies. Just get rid of them altogether. Dead men tell no tales... 