Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   doesn't allow men to smoke in his room, but women can. Hell, they can barbecue a goat if they want.

   There will be no tomorrow. When it gets here, it will be today. I've played this waiting game before.

   Do you ever wish you can transport people that annoy you on an island where they are forced to fight to the end & it's all filmed live for your enjoyment? New reality show pitch...what do you think?

   If women did not exist, all of the money in the world would have no meaning.

   i believe global warning as much as I do the weather man....

   passing gas on an airplane is like Russian Roulette. You never know when the "deadly one" will hit. Not that I've done it before... I'm just saying...

   Women. Can't live with them, can't finish this joke without having to sleep on the couch.

   I used to be stupid..... But then we broke up....

   of course I would never call you a c*nt.....you lack the depth and warmth.

   eating cookie dough and reading sad fanfictions because he/she feels unwanted by her cat.

   wondering why people say "Bring it!" in a fight. Bring what?

   Funniest thing I heard at lunch break today. The guy beside me says "Huh" I asked "What's up?" Pointing to the lid of his sugar-free apple sauce he says, "Sweetend with Splenda...that would explain the anal leakage."

   Vodka..helping ugly girls get laid since since the 1700's

   Instead of saying that someone is retarded or stupid, I am going to try and take the more sensitive path, and ask them if they were made in China.

   sometimes I want to go outside n scream n come back inside like nothing happen

   Listening to Mariah carey on YouTube at full volume. Anyone got the emergency number for Wadds?

   Sometimes its ok to lie, these are referred to as little white lies. Or at least its better than telling ur girl about that one night you went to the strip club and.....

   It's better to have loved and lost.........than to have stayed with the witch.

   every heard of Jack In the Box? well you can jack this in a box..

   What is it with Facebook games like Mafia and Farmville. I guess people need to balance their murder and violence with beets and little lost sheep.