Funny Status Messages

   There must be a trick to fighting fire with fire because my kitchen just pretty much has twice as much fire now.

   I'd much rather have a sex tape released to the public than a tape of me trying to run in flip-flops.

   Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile

   ٥ﻻ ﻉ√٥ﺎ ٱц =)

   U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish cant Drown!

   ► PlayTheMoments ▌▌ PauseTheMemories ■ StopThePain ◄◄ RewindTheHappiness.

   Stop trying so hard. He doesn't like you. Don't kiss an ass if it's in the process of sh!tting on you.

   Don't focus on the one person who hates you. You don't go to the park and set your picnic down next to the only pile of dog sh!t.

   Good morning Tuesday...tell your pal Friday he needs to come around here tomorrow.

   Were drunk! you dont have to know or like me to make passionate movie love to me!! Tomorrow we'll act like it never happend!

   Each day is a gift...Mondays are gag gifts!

   Home and drunk before midnight, and not sleeping in the drunk tank with a roll of toilet paper as a pillow......woo hoo!!!

   I was thinkin bout her, thinkin bout me, what we gonna be? open my eyes, yeah... it was only just a dreammmmmmmmm .....

   Evidently that good samaritan bullsh*t doesn't apply when you help an old lady cross the street on the hood of your car.

   If it isn't less than I'm doing right now, then it's hardly the least I can do.

   I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

   Ever have one of those days when you just want to go home and take a long hot bath with a small electric kitchen appliance?

   thinks it's ironic that the man that brought the Segway to life was brought to death by his invention.

   Interesting piece of history: In 1872 the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine. In 1873 the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

   I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.