Funny Status Messages

   thinking up new and creative ways to kill zombies.

   I would love to start working out, but I'm beefing up for my "before" picture.

   Stevie Wonder's Twitter update was hilarious. it said," ahdshewsd€yts".

   I will never be led to believe there is someone who won't betray you under any circumstance. Learning otherwise is a lesson learned with great pains.

   The best things in life are free...for now, wait until the government finds a way to tax you on that!

   Goldilocks was an illegal alien

   kids learn from fairy tales. like goldilocks and 3 bears teaches us that you can sneak into people's place, eat their food, break their furnituer and sleep in their beds as long as you can run fast and you are blond!

   saying, i'm not moody, just don't want to talk to you every wed and fri..

   silence is golden, but duct tape is silver

   so drunk , I thought my toothpaste was astronaut food....

   I raised an eyebrow once. He's an adult now, and he never calls or visits.

   It's always awkward when you run into your ex with a car.

   The bigger they are, the harder they hit.

   : Snowwhite sleeps with 7 men, Tarzan is half naked, Cinderella comes home after midnight, Pinocchio always lies, Aladin is the king of thieves, Batman drives 200 mph, That's what they teach us as kids... no wonder we f*ck up sometimes....

   wondering why Texas is flying it's flag all over the country of Chili?

   I think I see a light at the end of the tunnel...Just hopeing it's my friends with a 2 million watt spotlight and not a train....

   's son has been looking for his Nintendo DS for the last month.Last night we found it in the bushes in front of the house.Kids: you can't live with 'em, you can't beat them over the head with their neglected portable gaming systems to teach them a lesson.

   illegal touching, number 7 Offense.

   Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.

   I'm Dyslexic when I hate it