Funny Status Messages

   A happy ending is only an asian massage parlor away.

   you should probably just let your "Honor Student" drive. You are obviously an idiot.

   Aren't you ever tired of having yourself around??

   When the patient was asked if he had had a good night he answered that he'd slept as soundly as the nurse on night duty.

   not here right now. if you'd like to reach me on my cell phone, please buy me a cell phone.

   I'd be a millionaire if I could buy him for what I think of him and sell him for what he thinks of himself.

   it possible to be still tasting Jager from last night? Somebody call an Excorsist. Blah!

   has a feeling that the so-called "Highway To Hell" looks just like a Wal-Mart parking lot

   She doesn't trust him an inch. If she doesn't find any strange hairs on his jackets she just accuses him of having an affair with a bald woman.

   I have a small request to make to you. Can I borrow your face for a few days? My ass is going on a holiday.

   Ur mama is so ugly when she walks past the bathroom the toilet flushes itself.

   ok, so what do you call a fish with no eyes? a fsh!

   And ps... you should'nt sing a song with an "s" in the title if you have a lithp!

   Oh yes Gwyneth Paltrow, you are so very country strong. I guess being born in LA, going to private school NYC and attending college in Santa Barbara really prepared ya.

   heard that the new George W Bush book is a pop-up picture book. At first I laughed, then I realized it made perfect sense. My professors always taught me "write for your audience". So kudos Gdub. Mission accomplished...

   I'm not a tease. I just sobered up thats all.

   What do you call a pig with 3 eyes...??? A Piiig!...Stupid yes, but you know you'll tell it.

   I read at the end of the 20th century all Blacks were offered exodus from US slavery the only requirement was a boat ride back to Africa. But we know how blacks feel about water, ergo: they stayed!

   My Mom just said "I'm still hot! It just comes in flashes!"

   Having lunch with a man named Jack... Jack Daniels