Funny Status Messages

   Biggest lie ever: "I have read the terms of conditions"

   A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing, but do a mother.

   I don't understand the concept of a Freudian slip. It doesn't make any sex to me at all.

   would really appreciate an Aussie Kiss right about now...Yep! Down Under!

   wondering why Miss Piggy always chased after Kermit the Frog, he's green and slimy and will probably give her warts!

   making sentences with the words liver and cheese... liver alone cheese mine!

   HAPPY CHILDRENS DAY :)

   You have not truly experienced ALL of Gods blessings until you have been on both sides of giving and receiving.

   I wonder how we know to eat eggs,did someone say"see that chicken over there, I'm goin eat the 1st thing that comes outta its butt"

   Mark Zuckerberg really controls all of our lives, at any moment he could decide to take Facebook offline.

   You know....spooning leads to forking right?

   what happens when you spill carpet cleaner?

   why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? for the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

   kiss my asprin

   before lady Di, I never heard of Paparazzi.., I thought it was a circus act or something

   ...so you're talking and you feel like no one's listening at all? rip off a good loud fart. that'll get everybody's attention!

   stands mighty in an elite group, Procrastinators! The leaders of tomorrow

   Poker face? Yeah I would and then some.

   really misses Tiger Woods Gatorade. But the John Daly Gatorade is pretty good, too (it has vodka in it)

   Nothing is more irritating than someone that updates there status every two minutes.