Funny Status Messages

   On a scale of 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 how OCD are you?

   Dear Santa.... All I want is access to that "bad boy's" list of yours.

   Today is National Facebook Unfriend Day. I hope you make it to tomorrow as my friend. I just want you to know I'm pulling for you.

   Forget scholarships and honor societies - the highest academic complement is getting an awesome grade on a paper you half-assed at four in the morning the day it was due.

   won't just hit the spot. He will kill the spot & dress inappropriately at the spots funeral.

   has a new slogan for TSA: Can't see London, can't see France, unless we see your underpants!!!

   Been thinking of things I could do today, leaning towards going to Victoria's Secret and looking around.

   A grown man making snow angels in the yard shouldn't be so strange...dressed in a clown suit playing the bagpipes sure as hell made it weird.

   She goes down more than a submarine commander.

   Q: Are you tired of this sillyass Q & A game everyone is doing? A: Yes I wish that they would $hit and fall back in it.

   My husband asked me if I wanted to play Call of Duty the other day. When I said yes, he handed me a tub of cleaning supplies.

   Trail mix should just sell M&M's

   I have to say here lately i've been very surprised that after clicking spell check I have no spelling errors...

   I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-gf and me. After all, I'm a Gemini and she's a b*tch.

   Dude, you're going bald. That ballcap and shoulder length hair don't hide the fact.

   It is not fastfood if you keep me waiting for 20 minutes for a damn burger!

   Well... it finally happened. I got a notice that I am being sued by Metallica for $1.3M not paying for their music... I never pirated their music... but I never bought an album either, so I guess that's the complaint.

   The combination of wet-phlegm laryngitis and requesting Mucinex D from the pharmacist produced comedic results that cannot be cleanly reproduced on Facebook.

   If I spent as many hours learning how to play guitar as I do on Facebook, I'd be a freakin' Jimi Hendrix

   It's Topless Tuesday night! Woot!