Funny Status Messages

   Onions can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make ppl laugh

   curious. Who will win, Optimus Prime or Voltes V? ..... Answer: TV remote

   placing myself in "TIME OUT" until I am able to play nice with others!

   I have a sudden urge to go skiing........water skiing......in the Caribbean

   Had a cold this morning so I took an Aleve-D and washed it down with an AMP energy drink. Judging by the way I feel, I am fairly certain my body converted to two into meth!

   I'm sorry ________, that model D83 Swedish sure-grip suck machine you wanted is still on back order.

   thinks whoever invented new year resolutions would have sworn every year that he wished he hadn't...

   I would have to disagree... I don't believe a witches tit is this cold....

   Call from telemarker with a hot sexy voice = No need for internet porn today!

   unscrewing a bottle of his favorite wine...Chateau Libido! ;)

   placing myself in "TIME OUT" until I am able to play nice with others! Until then, don't piss me off because I have nothing to lose being in Time Out already!"

   I can't recall one time in my entire life that I've answered a phone call from a "restricted" number and then said, "Wow, I'm glad I answered that"

   If Facebook and porn were made illegal, it would free up a good 10 hours of my life every day

   I am so against picketing, I just don't know how to show it

   I have hit the level of FB addiction that, when determining the successfulness of my day, I factor in how many 'likes' I got on my posts. Yesterday was 93. That's one I'll tell the grandchildren about some day. :-)

   Snow Tip: The other people out shoveling are called "neighbors." They are like Facebook friends who live nearby.

   Look at your status. Now back to mine. Now back to yours. Now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn't mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down. Back up. Where are you? You're on F

   Next time you feel a sneeze coming on, yell out "PIKA!" right before the sneeze

   they should change the name of Rock Band to 'Drunken Family karaoke Failure'

   Confucius Say...Women who wear Wonderbra make mountains out of molehills.