Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   making an army of snowmen to defend my snowfort from the likes of you.

   With all the 300+ horsepower cars they have these days with the expensive 16, 17 and 18 inch tires a 50 dollar burnout isn't very long. But it's not like you have to pay for it right now. Light um up!

   you might be a redneck if the tires on your truck cost more than your truck

   Lets party like a White Guy who thinks he's black and has some black friends but most of his friends are white!!

   - What do women and clouds have in common? Occasionally they f*ck off and it's a really nice day.

   all of you that believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

   The sack race.. finally Roy Hodgson wins something!

   A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

   Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?

   If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

   Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

   Wishing the King a happy 76th Birthday, where ever he is.....

   Unemployment rate falls to 9.4% and the U.S. economy added 103,000 jobs in December. This means 102,993 can now spend more time on Twitter!

   going to put doves in his coat in case he gets mugged, gotta keep things interesting...

   Let's say you know 100% beyond the shadow of a doubt that you'd take a bullet for your child. Let me ask you this: why are so many people trying to assassinate your baby?

   You should never laugh at mentally challenged people,.. it's just not cooI, I have feelings too!

   The AVN Awards (adult videos) is being held this Sunday in Las Vegas, NV; though it's a hard time for the movie industry, there no losers just wieners.

   One of the greatest advantages about having a child in diapers is that there is always a constant supply of Desitin for the mornings after I ate some wings or Mexican food.

   everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die

   "I am, is the shortest sentence in the English language, funny how "I do" is the longest!!