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So today I have to write my review for work. What's the best way to put, “I golfed over 200 rounds this last summer while you paid me to be at my office?” 
I hate grocery shopping because I'm no very good at predicting what I'm going to feel like eating in a few days.
The object on your left is now your weapon of choice in the upcoming zombie apocalypse..... What is it?????
girls status ((i prayed for someone like you; and I thank God, that I finally found you)) next day guys are asshols
Went to Walmart today. Now I know why lions eat their young.
Your boss is coming! Log off now!!
Somebody beer me stat!
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God made your butt crack up and down because if it were sideways, when you went down a slide it would sound like this bufufufufufufufuublubufubufbufbufbuf
Dear Darwin. I just found a few more candidates for you on the drive into work.
Sometimes I prefer the storm before the calm. A little chaos gets my juices flowing.
Hates it when you are waiting at a red light for a long time with zero traffic then it changes to a flashing yellow.
Ever have one of those friends that has been there for you, took interest in what you do then just stops talking to
Dennis Leary is my calm inner voice.
Everyone relax - astrology is still total bullsh*t.
When I was young, we had to walk outside to find out what the weather was like
I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
I remember the days when we actually used our phones to talk to each other.
gonna make a bundle in zodiac tattoo removal!!!!
Make yourself at home... clean my kitchen.
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