Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Breaking news Arizona shooting suspect pleads not guilty...If he's not guilty, O.J don't wear gloves.

   Today's status is brought to you by the letters ~I.. H*A*T*E..M*O*N*D*A*Y*S.. and the numbers ~ 24/7 ~

   If I ever open a knife factory, I'd employ nothing but EMO kids...I'd never have to worry about them reporting an on-the-job injury....

   Mike Vick kills two dogs, goes to prison for 18 months. Ben Roethlisberger rapes two women, goes to the Super Bowl.. only in America..

   all of a sudden everyone is a football expert

   first Obama, then the olympics, now the Bears.....Chicago, so close to producing winners, you get everyones hopes up and then last minute....choke.....fail.

   going to the Gold & Silver Pawn Shop to see how much they will give me for my DVD copy of Pawn Stars the Complete 1st Season.

   My 4 year old is going through a phase where he screams out what he is about to do before he does it. I had to explain to him that only adults on social networking sites were allowed to do that....

   has come to realize that my job is like an episode of "LOST". Confusing, filled with a lot of interesting characters and just when I think I have it figured out - everything changes.

   If you want bright eyed and bushy tailed, go chase a squirrel!

   spent my life in books and written pages, lived and learned from fools and from sages

   my ship finally sailed in, but I was standing at the train station :/

   She didn't find, "Who lit the fuse on your tampon?!?", as funny as I did...

   Easily I approach, the microphone because I ain't no joke....

   I really don't give a flying fig WHO is in the Super Bowl. I just want to know who's hosting the party.

   Grandchildren are god's reward for not killing your kids

   keep all of your issues in your tissue box and out of your status box!

   During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

   Why is it the people who talk the MOST, always seem to say the LEAST?!?

   Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it. Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it. Life is too precious, do not destroy it. Life is life, fight for it.