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Will it ever stop; Yo, I don't know, turned out the lights, and there's snow 
somebody please reassure me that i'm not the only one not happy with the way talent and fame are becoming inversely proportional.
I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait."---Hedberg Classic :)
the weather forecast sounds so dirty when the female meteroligists talk about all those inches!!!
How come Mario can smash through bricks... yet he dies when he touches a freaking turtle!!!???
When I was a kid people who wore there hat crooked, pants half off, and shoes untied rode the short bus!
Dear Weatherman, Thanks Nostradamus, but I believe the fact that I now have ovaries is a pretty good indicator of how cold it is...Tell me when I can expect the thermometer to NOT read "Fu@king Burrrr" anymore....work on that...thanks
Girls are like police. They never believe things without evidence.
knows Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words...
I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn't that what M.O.M stands for?"
What do I mean no? Let me clarify....No! As in the opposite of yes. And as in you get nothing!!
Bill Clinton was recently seen smoking a pipe. When asked why he wasn't smoking a cigar he said, ''Cigars are for pu**ies." Clinton rules!
this college basketball game is presented to you by Bud Light.....but we wont sell it just to piss you off!
Everything ██is█████ ████ ████fine ███ █ ████ love. ████ █████ the ███ Egypt ███ ████ government ██
Tottenham's bids to sign David Beckham and Phil Neville failed after they missed the transfer deadline... By 7 years.
Who's hit more balls than Babe Ruth?...... Your chin
Do you work at Subway?... Cuz you just gave me a footlong!
Simon sure does look alot like Steven Tyler this year, huh?
this heat is making me as confused as a baby in a strip club...
That little Justin Biber chick is really starting to piss me off! Why can't one of the Olsen Twins give her Herpes or something?
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