Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   STALKERS meeting tonight at that secret spot! You know the one!!

   If you have kids, your life is kids. If you don't, your life is going out to eat and buying electronics.

   Instead of celebrating Valentine's Day this year, I'm celebrating Discount Chocolate Tuesday.

   I just saved a bunch of money on my child support by switching to condoms

   OMG! I just had a full grown GOOSE poop on my windshield! Looks like I just got egged. Go back to Canada!

   you know what the trouble about real life is? There's no danger music

   The Devil doesn't like Heavy Metal music, he listens to Barry Manilow. I have proof.

   I'm thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.

   Why would you try to avoid risks in life? To make it safely to death?

   Apparently Diet Pepsi has come out with a new "skinny" can...does that mean regular Pepsi will be coming out with a new "fat-ass" can?

   #LOST its like an EX girlfriend.. You enjoy remembering all the six years you had.. Until you get angry and how the Ending was!

   Darn it! Everytime I google "Google applications" I get a link to google search engine. I'm trying to get a job at Google but finding at application to fill out is impossible!!

   living in a van....down by the river!

   Will not post anymore about snow after this post telling others to stop posting about snow.

   Statistics show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy playing Russian Roulette

   Sorry folks, Have to RUN, my parole office is knocking on my apartment door..........

   You know you're old when getting lucky means you actually found your car in the parking lot

   Fatigues kind of like Scrubs but for killing people

   Drink up! Its somebody's birthday today!!

   Heat wave....ts above 25 degrees for the 2nd straight day!!