Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Revolution until victory

   If I'm reading this correctly the Second Amendment allows me to shoot a bear, tear off his arms and keep them.

   A council estate in Liverpool was recently closed due to the discovery of an unidentified object. After 8 hours of scientific testing it turned out to be a payslip.

   Just bought a "Flux Capacitor" off eBay!

   Please tell your breast to quit staring at me!

   anyone going to tell America's Funniest Home Videos about youtube?

   Dont smoke...there are cooler ways to die.

   so far, this is the oldest I've ever been

   Saw a guy return a wedding set at Walmart today and get his $36 back. I'm guessing her answer was, "No."

   The hardest part of driving to me is putting on my seatbelt. I just cant seem to find the time to take 3 seconds out of a 20 minute drive to buckle up. Its sad really

   Whenever I meet a girl I always greet her with my left hand...I dont want her to meet the competition

   checked in at Charlie Sheen's Bungalow

   So she asked me "Do these pants make my butt look big?" And I said, "Not at all dear....its the fat that does that." So now I'm single again.

   After spending millions in research scientist still do not know exactly how long a cotton picking minute is.

   Be nice to your neighbors. They're the only ones who'll know the difference between your good scream and your bad scream

   stuck between a rock and someone I want to hit with it.

   how can I be so thirsty when I drank so much last night...????

   Weather Update. Cold with a chance of Nipples

   come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines...

   If I'm ever on life support, pull the plug and plug it back in. See if that works.