Funny Status Messages

   NEWS: Lady Gaga to do naked skydive for charity. You've got to admire her balls.

   Women drivers! I was behind one on my way home from work and she indicated to turn left and what does she go and do? She actually turns left! How am I supposed to prepare myself with these f-kin mind games?!

   used to be a deep-sea diver but I quit because I couldn't stand the pressure

   Censorship makes me sooo (bleeping) angry

   went to pizza hut and there was sign outside .It said "look out for the new Menu"... I walked in and it and it hit me in the back of the head

   Why did God create man before woman? He didn't want any advice!

   ‎1. Go to Google maps. 2. Go to 35 Sampsonia Way, Pittsburgh Pennsylvania. 3. Click street view. 4. Turn the view around. 5. ??? 6. lol

   What's the difference between a water bottle and puberty? A water bottle has already hit Justin Bieber.

   White Castle; because I like my chicken in the form of cheerio's

   blah. with all this warm weather, the opportunities to write my name in cursive in the snow are disappearing.

   A beautiful girl without a personality, is like a Lamborghini without an engine.

   I don't understand the point of the Shake Weight; if you need weights, wouldn't you already jiggle enough???

   Damn you advertise commercial that "Big Time Rush ft Snoop Dogg -Boy Friend" Imvoluntary stuck on repeat in my Head....!!!

   when I was young I used to think cheerios was doughnut seeds.

   We need a way of telling people they have bad breath without hurting their feelings.like,"Well I'm bored let's go brush our teeth"!

   im gonna put a ringtone of a baby crying and put it in a case. Then when it rings I will start punching the bag saying shut up BI*CH!!

   Standing outside on my front lawn with my pants down waiting for Google Earth to pass by and take a picture

   I had a friend on Facebook who's status said "Suicidal..Standing on the edge of a cliff"...... So I poked him

   I'm sorry if you cant understand, but I need a Radio inside my hand!!!

   They're called "Skinny Jeans". Not "Make You Skinny Jeans..