Funny Status Messages

   Inside me is a skinny woman screaming to get out. I can usually shut her up with a cookie.

   Presidents Day is just another Monday I'm celebrating Sarah Palin not being president

   Wondering if Snookie's parents have a bumper sticker that says, "Our daughter is a slut on Jersey Shore" or "Our Slut can beat up your Slut!"

   trying to explain the urine on the ceiling.

   Humor has been cancelled for the day. We look forward to serving you in the near future.

   Do you ever walk toward automatic sliding opening doors, hold your hand up, and as they open think, maybe, just maybe, the force is with you today??

   Just took the 'road less traveled'...found Waldo...

   I think 'supervision' isn't nearly as cool as it sounds...

   Never take failure to your heart and success to your mind.

   anyone can catch your eye, but it takes someone special to catch your heart.

   When I'm sad I just sing, and then I realize my voice is worse than my problems.

   I'm not shy. I'm just holding back my awesomeness so I don't intimidate you.

   Dear NASA, Your mum thought I was big enough. Sincerely, Pluto.

   Sometimes I wish that automatic doors would appreciate my existance...

   Church sign reads, "Look at what's missing from ch__ch

   was editing my profile and couldnt figure whether to put masturbation under activites or interests.

   You know it's going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with... "Are you sitting down?"

   it still technically a "walk of shame" if I rollerbladed?

   We're only 4 years away from when Back to the Future 2 happens.

   At least clean up the bathroom before taking your profile picture