Funny Status Messages

   let Jack Bauer interview Charlie Sheen.

   true friends got your back not sit onthe couch and watch you get your ass kicked .

   I was making dinner when a pan suddenly caught on fire. I don't know which is worse... the fact that I almost set my kitchen ablaze, or the fact that my first reaction was to move my beer to safety.

   When a quiz is NOT multiple choice... You know you're screwed.

   Our government are sounding more and more like a GEICO commerical.

   Charlie Sheen is Kenny Powers with more money.

   Rappers always talk about robbing people in their songs, thats why I download all their songs for free. Payback!!

   Just because you a ten cent hoe don't make you a dime piece

   At the mall this weekend.... The angry parents screaming for their son "Marco!!!" did not find it amusing when I kept yelling "POLO!!!" back at them from my dressing room.

   I would kill to see a Dave Chapelle Charley Murphy: True Hollywood Story of Charlie Sheen... :\

   The NEW Black Panthers? what happened to the OLD Black Panters.?

   An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her over.

   Looking back on my childhood....I'm sure Daffy Duck was on that drug "Charlie Sheen".

   I'm in time out because apparently riding the dog like a small pony is outlawed in this house...grrrrr

   Rappers always talk about robbing people in their songs, thats why I download all their songs for free. Payback!!

   “Come on, dude. Grow a pear.” - farmer to a barren tree

   Lindsey Lohan wants to work again. The community service over all ready?

   why do all the women on Maury SCREAM when they talk?

   Lindsey Lohan is on the back burner now, her comment..."oh no he didn't"

   Lindsey Lohan speaks out.....who cares, we quit you. Go Charlie Go Charlie