Funny Status Messages

   If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.

   As a girl walks into a typical club, she mentally prepares to be hit on by everything with a penis.

   Sheen 2012! Because there's nothing more bipartisan than tiger blood

   I heard the gas companies are going to be changing the grades of gasoline from regular, mid-grade, and supreme to tall, grande and venti...

   You don't just turn your swag on, you either got it or you don't.

   I've decided to get rid of my bad habits...just as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.

   knows there are things money can't buy. But Ticketmaster is working on ways to charge you for them.

   thinks laughter is the second best medicine. The best medicine is medicine.

   thinks Diarrhea would be a beautiful name, if it didn't mean diarrhea.

   Keep America beautiful. Swallow your beer cans.

   Whenever I meet an honor student I tell them about their mom's bad driving.

   believes the hardest thing about learning to ride a horse is the ground.

   thinks its cool for a guy to have sex with his female teacher. Unless he's home schooled.

   if you take more than 2 minutes to repond in our chat, I shall assume I'm not high on your chat priority list and X out.

   There are three types of people in this world: Those that get math and those that don't.

   Bruno mars is catching grenades and Taio Cruz is using dynamite, well it's obvious they've been playing COD..#blackops

   Like if you dont think ..3x-7y+(1/2)b.. really gonna help you in life?

   Ever wonder why the ceilings of churches are so high? To make one feel less invaluable and intimidated...

   According to the “you snooze you lose” principle, insomnia makes us winners.

   thinks the best thing about telepathy is…I know, right?