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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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if I ever win the lottery the first thing I'm gonna do is hire a priest, a rabbi and a minister to walk into bars with me
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03-28-2011 05:37 by
flinnie
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Hollywood are already planning a movie about the life of Elizabeth Taylor. It's provisionally titled 'Eight Weddings and a Funeral'.
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03-28-2011 03:35 by
manbearpig
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Lady Gaga says she takes her fashion inspiration from Princess Diana. It's just a shame it's not from how she looked before the crash.
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03-28-2011 03:30 by
manbearpig
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It's been exactly a year since I quit drinking. And 364 days since I started again.
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03-28-2011 03:29 by
manbearpig
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Have you ever held your money and ever thought "I hope this hasn't been up a stripper's butt"...
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03-28-2011 03:01
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I dont hate Mondays. I just cant stand the 24 hours they occupy.
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03-28-2011 01:12 by
Patoh
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xT: Quotes My Parents Say I Spend To Much Time On Facebook And Should Go Outside . Thank God For Laptops And Wifi.
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03-28-2011 00:18
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<~~~may cause dizziness, high blood pressure, exitability, tingling sensation, loss of hearing, blindness, loose bowels, erectile disfunction, nauseau, heart failure and seizures.
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03-28-2011 00:17 by
TwoTone
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Why is it that people think they are invisible in their cars while they are picking their noses?
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03-27-2011 23:57 by
TwoTone
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I hit a midgets car today. He got out of the car and said, "I am not happy." So I said, "Which one are you?"
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03-27-2011 23:44
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Two tips for faster jogging (1) hot guy in front of you; (2) creepy dude behind you
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03-27-2011 23:38
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My right hand just fell asleep but I'm not really in the mood
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03-27-2011 23:28 by
@TheCreep75
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pulled more tail then a slow kid at a petting zoo.
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03-27-2011 22:13 by
SlowMotionNinja
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if you listen very carefully you can hear Monday sharpen her claws in the distance
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03-27-2011 21:14
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I get offended when others talk while I'm interrupting.
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03-27-2011 21:08 by
Aaron
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This weekend is either way too short, or I don't have enough Long in my Island Iced Tea...
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03-27-2011 20:56 by
Paul
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For the record, if my mother ever tells you she uses Oxycontin to remove stains, it's not true.
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03-27-2011 20:46 by
Shawnee
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I know when I take a huge dump its a big relief, is that how Obama feels when he talks?
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03-27-2011 20:19 by
@TheCreep75
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When I start thinking to myself that I want a girlfriend I just turn on The View and put the volume on max. It snaps me back to reality
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03-27-2011 20:17 by
@TheCreep75
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Roses are red, violets are blue. after today, I need a xanex or 2..
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03-27-2011 16:16 by
brandy
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