Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   forgetting about the price tag.... and hoping my dad does the same whenever he gets my credit card statement!!

   sorry I'm drunk and I posted the same status twice....oopsy!

   I never make the same mistake twice.... I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.

   the thing I want to be said when i'm laying in the casket is " Look he moved!"

   I had excellent grilled chicken for dinner that I'm actually enjoying the taste of my burps.

   my wife said she let a sbd go in church I said she needed new batteries for her hearing aid.

   facebook needs a facelift!

   If I don't have my budget balanced by tomorrow--I am just going to shut down...

   so gangsta I dont even use umbrellas when it rains!

   so hardcore I bought 1 newspaper and took 2! now what!

   I never make the same mistake twice.....I make it 5 or 6 times just to be sure.

   If I dont fall asleep soon I'm going to jump off this 5 story books..

   Just tried to make a sweet & adorable YouTube video of my cats, but the project fell apart due to creative differences

   Moms are really very clever!! within the first 10 minutes of visitng her, she read my mind better than I ever read it myself! I could never be a real man just like my own mother.. love you mom!! :-)

   definition of the day: Kia....You mess with my women I kia

   Jamaican GPS' would be great. “TURN AROUND, MON. YOU GOIN' DE WRONG WAY. TURN DE ODDA WAY MON. KEEP GOIN' DATTA WAY, MON. TURN COMIN' UP ON DE NEXT LEFT. YOU GOT DIS, MON.”

   bumped into this cat at the gas station this morning getting coffee and he told me "Asalamalakum." I told him "I also like the Lakers!"

   I have decided that if I ever win the lottery I am going to hire a Rabbi, a Priest and a Minister to follow me around to the bars.

   Girl scout cookies just came, no time for Facebook!

   Why don't Barbie and Ken have any kids? Answer: Because Ken came in another box.