Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I truly believe that the key difference between men and women, is that a man can break a woman's heart, but a woman will sh!t IN a man's heart...

   Consider the social cohesion and dignity of the Japanese people in the face of unimaginable catastrophe. Contrast that with the behavior of Americans when faced with Black Friday.

   I heard that old Paris Hilton song "Stars are blind" today. Still stinks! Listening to that song is probily more painful than getting a prostate exam from Freddy Kruger!

   According to my Bikini Bottom translator, the word "Barnacle" means "FU#K" in the United States

   Smile. It's easier than explaining why you're sad.

   I went to a Chinese restaurant and saw the sexiest woman I have ever saw, so I was blunt and said I wanna 69...she brought me Beef and Broccoli.

   The only time I don't 'get it' in a good way is at work.

   Does Angry Birds get it's name because the birds are angry at you when you can't beat a level or because it makes you angry when you can't?

   if you are going to write on the dust on my car please dont date it

   The best selling books are cookbooks and the second are diet books. So you can learn how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook.

   The problem with America today is if you rob a bank, you have to bring your own sacks with “$” on them.

   Lick the alphabet. Yea, you know what I am talking about, don't even lie.

   there's something special about today....maybe its because I finally decided to shave my legs

   Not to worry Obama will fix everything while he's on vacation in Rio this weekend......

   It's great to see somebody change their relationship status on Facebook to 'Married' when they are actually legally married.

   I feel like punching baby kittens, whenever I see ungrateful douchebags yell at their smartphone, because it's taking more than a minute to upload something….YOU'RE GETTING A SIGNAL FROM SPACE…GIVE IT A MINUTE…

   You know, if I had a girlfriend, I'd be a lot happier. Does anyone have an extra one they don't need?

   Every time I hear someone say "The Lord works in mysterious ways," I picture him performing miracles while doing the robot.

   My condolences to Snoop and the rest of the Dogg family. RIP Nate Dogg

   I guess the Obama's need another vacation to Rio to take a break... Apparently picking all 4 #1 seeds in his March Madness bracket was just to much on him?? What a SLACKER!!!