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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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I'm feeling a bit scrappy and chivalrous today. kinda like the fox Sir Didymus in The Labyrinth. Where is Ambrosius my trusty steed?..RJ..
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03-30-2011 14:05
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■Women are angels, and when someone breaks their wings, they continue to fly…on a broomstick. They're flexible that way. ツ
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03-30-2011 14:01 by
Sorrel
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How do you really get to Sesame Street?
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03-30-2011 13:37
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What is the definition of trust? Two cannibals giving each other a BJ.
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03-30-2011 13:14 by
BOO
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I love living in a big city!! There are sooo many more people to yell at!!
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03-30-2011 13:11
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Remember, if you took all the parking meters downtown and laid them end-to-end, you'd be in jail faster than you can say, "Guinness Book of World Records"
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03-30-2011 13:10 by
Jen
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Dear Fox News, So far no news about foxes. Sincerely, Unimpressed
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03-30-2011 13:10 by
BOO
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A nice way to fire people is by throwing them a surprise going away party.
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03-30-2011 13:06 by
Jen
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Got a problem with me?? Solve it. Think I'm trippin'?? Tie my shoes. Can't stand me?? Sit back down. Can't face me?? Turn the hell around.
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03-30-2011 12:59 by
Jen
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When I was young, pop and lock described the way I liked to dance. Now, it describes what happens to my knees when I stand up.
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03-30-2011 12:59
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I just saved a bunch of money on therapy by switching to Dolly Parton music!!
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03-30-2011 12:54 by
Jen Omodt
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Happy Wife = Happy Life
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03-30-2011 12:30 by
CJ
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I just read an article on the dangers of heavy drinking... scared the hell out of me. So that's it, after today... no more reading.
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03-30-2011 12:27
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I'm looking for the "It's Complicated" box to check off on this tax form.
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03-30-2011 12:23 by
Marshall the Great
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I think this shameless self-promotion on Facebook has gotten out of control. BTW: I am awesome.
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03-30-2011 12:20 by
Marshall the Great
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If a girl will play video games with you while she is naked, you should marry her.
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03-30-2011 12:17 by
Marshall the Great
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The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during sex.
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03-30-2011 12:16 by
Marshall the Great
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Sigh. guess it's time to go do some grocery shopping. A mouse hung itself in our fridge and left a note 'can't live like this'
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03-30-2011 12:14
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Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it's a brighter day.
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03-30-2011 12:12 by
Marshall the Great
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Every time I see an abandoned shoe on the highway it makes me sad that I've never partied that hard.
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03-30-2011 12:11 by
Marshall the Great
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