Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon People will always have an opinion about you. Whether positive or negative. They will tell you to your face or behind your back. Do what makes you happy. Live your life to the fullest. Life is too short to worry about someone's opinions.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 16:46 by esoteric Comments (0)  


   messageicon We were not created! We evolved! Religion is for people who can't comprehend such a thing.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 16:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rough draft for fb: If men were as flexible as dogs, wives would make their husbands wear cones or they'd never go to work.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 15:53 by Mike M Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's bad when I feel I need to carry a rape whistle with me when I go to the gas station!
←Rate | 04-21-2011 15:47 by Master Weegsta Comments (0)  


   messageicon Drunk text etiquette: don't text anything you wouldn't say in the light of day. Nothings worse than the digital walk of shame.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 14:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 14:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon learned that smiling suppresses the gag reflex... and some people wonder why I smile so much around them
←Rate | 04-21-2011 14:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would rather have a cure for the common hangover than the common cold.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 14:18 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everybody's human - everybody makes mistakes. If you laugh it off and keep going and try to give it your best the next time around, people respect that.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 14:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon updated itunes, I don't think I need any tutorials on listening to music.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 14:17 by Joshin Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want to name my dog Stains..... so when I call for him to come inside, I can yell "Come Stains!" ......and see how many neighbors give me dirty looks.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 14:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When the hell did I get drunk and married to Google? I can barely get a word out now before it tries to finish my sentence...
←Rate | 04-21-2011 14:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't believe how much of this stuff at the self checkout is free.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 14:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon Me and my bed are in a committed relationship, I think my alarm clock is just jealous of our love.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 14:05 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Born free. Now, I'm expensive.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 13:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering what name do atheists call out in bed?
←Rate | 04-21-2011 13:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I call bulls*** on killing someone with kindness... that "kindness" crap won't even maim someone.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 13:36 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was thinking of donating to the sperm bank, they pay good money actually.. I can't believe how much money I've let slip through my fingers.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 13:23 by marq Comments (0)  


   messageicon If someone says, "why do bad things happen to good people?" Tell them that only happened once in history --- and He volunteered. Happy Easter everyone.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 13:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know? When you say 'beer can" in a British accent you're also saying "bacon" in a jamaican accent.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 13:10 by April Comments (0)  



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