Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Advice for today: Puff puff, Pass...don't get greedy.

   ''A married man is 4 times more likely to die during sex if his partner isn't his wife.'' Especially if his wife owns a gun.

   My son is being forced to smoke by our French exchange student....Pierre Pressure

   A friend of mine just married a Chinese billionaire. Cha Ching

   Thinks they should change "I now pronounce you man and wife" to FINISH HIM!!!

   looked at my unmade bed this morning and decided it was art in another medium and I should not destroy it

   whats with these punks with their brightly coloured hair doing down the pub , I thought I stumbled into fraggle rock

   Fast food places gonna be bumpin today, Happy 4/20 (̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅̅_̅()ڪے~

   Patient: The problem is that obesity runs in my family. Doctor: No, the problem is no one runs in your family.

   Yahoo News - "World's oldest man dies". Why does this keep happening?!

   Boy goes to a strip club; His mom gets angry and asks him: "did you see anything there that you were not supposed to see?"; Boy: ''yes I saw Dad

   My friend told me, "Smart men make great husbands!" Being the guy I am, I had to correct her, so I said "smart men don't get married"

   OK Guys, you'restuck in bed between the most beautiful girl in the world and a gay guy. Who do you turn your back to?

   Dentists are going on strike...brace yourselves

   Women have to deal with periods and pregnancy. Men have to deal with Women. It's all about balance.

   When I was a kid my family was so poor that the only time we got to eat meat was when we bit our tongue!

   Found a Blockbuster Card in my closet, haven't been used in years... Is it considered an antique yet?

   You people should be ashamed of your self....Smoking poor defenseless plants like that! How would you like it if a plant came up to you all willy nilly chopped of your legs and smoked them in front of you! >_< Yeah that's right.... I went there. Hap

   The hospitals are running low on plasma and need donations. Aren't those pretty expensive TVs for a hospital's budget?

   HAPPY 420 JOKERS SMOKERS AND MIDNIGHT TOKERS!