Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose your job. Recovery is when Obama loses his job

   Who want's to Indian Leg Wrestle?

   Some guy just gave me half of a peace sign.

   I wish my car was more like KITT. Not for the crimefighting abilities, mind you, I'm just really lazy.

   celebrating Sheen-co de Mayo with some Tiger Blood!

   Thirsty Thursday and Cinco de Mayo fall on the same day, coincidence? She thinks not

   In celebration of Cinco De Mayo I'll be drinking Guinness and Jameson Whiskey tonight. Ole!

   S.H.*.T.= So Happy It's Thursday! =)

   How long a minute is, depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.

   I can talk to animals... they don't talk back but the stuff I say to them is still really cool.

   Breaking news: Kobe Bryant seen chewing jersey, experts confirm he is part moth.

   Cinco de Mayo....not 1 yard will be mowed today!!

   may the 5th of jack be with you

   Just found out my "Sleep Number" is good Old Number 7 good ole Jack Daniels

   The best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup, but the worst part of waking up is Folgers out your ass.

   Cheated on Facebook with my real life today.

   If you see a profile pic with 1 fat girl and 1 pretty girl and can't figure out who's profile it is, make no mistakes… it's the fat one's.

   got a phone call asking to donate clothes for the starving people of the world..I laughed so hard I cried..if they can fit in my clothes they ain't starvin'!

   Cinco de mayo : or as I call it...The day that all the people who complain about Mexicans all the sudden want to celebrate their holiday just so they have a reason to drink today..

   I can always tell when it is Senior Citizen Discount Day at the grocery near my house. All the blue parking spaces are double parked.