Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

   I would rather soak my berry's in maple syrup and sit on an ant hill than diddle Arnold Swartzenegger's baby momma!

   apperently the world is ending today.....just got my surf gear ready....just in case that tsunami decides to come.....have to ride that shyt before I die :D......LOL

   hoping his wife is taken during the rapture.

   It's Friday, Friday Gotta get down on Friday Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend....no.....no not all

   So apparently I'm getting judged on the weekend... like how I get judged by human beings everyday... including my mother.... and my mother is much more scary....

   It's great having a JOB that leaves me Just Over Broke.

   Children are the gift that keeps on taking...

   Apparently, Bin Laden had a 25 million dollar price tag on his head. What kind of ridiculous, designer turban was he wearing?

   Three things I cannot do: (1) pass up a piece of cake, (2) say "rural" and (3) open a can of biscuits without yelling when it pops.

   the phone in the guy's hand next to me rang, it sounded like my alarm clock, I yelled f**k and smacked it out of his hand on pure reflex

   As long as there is enough liquor to drink the apocalypse won't bother me.

   I can't breath through my nose, I'm in a perpetual state of sneeze, my eyes are watery, there is something crawling on my back and up my leg!!! OMG I love Spring!!!

   with my luck I would win the lotto then the world would end the day after

   Found a can of Clorox Disinfecting Wipes in a men's room stall at work. I don't think I'd want to wipe my a$$ with anything that has Clorox in it. That can't end well. (Pardon the pun)

   Best pre-Rapture line of the month: "My Christian friend with the Porsche is wondering why I've been following him around all day."

   Dear Facebook Friends, You can't find out who saw your profile. You won't see what you look like in the future. You won't see what the man saw when he walked in on his daughter. There are no free I-Pads and you can't see the video of Osama's death on face

   ‎...And you ALL laughed at me when I said Justin Bieber was a sign of the Apocalypse!!!

   Just brought a bottled drink and it had written on the label 'Still Water'. Good, because if it had changed to cider, I probably wouldn't have drunk it.

   The well known phrase, 'I' before 'E' except after 'C' usually applies, except in"Their" and "Alzheimer's"...What happened, did they forget?