Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   the best part of waking up on Sunday morning after heavy [artying on a Saturday night, is the ability to pee in two different directions at the same time.

   so nice to see that the ex g/f who said I would never amount to anything just take my order at Taco Bell

   I wonder if people with foot fetishes get off on watching the Flinstones?

   Aside from Confirm & ignore, friend requests should have a "WHO ARE YOU" button

   I hate it when the same commercial plays two times in a row.

   Guess I've been doing too much laundry lately. My kid pointed out a pink car and all I could think was, "huh.. someone must have thrown a red car in the wash with it"

   You're always like a "deer in the headlights" when you look at the menu at Dairy Queen....You just don't know what to get.

   Don't sacrifice your friends for your "loved one". Because if your "loved one" is making you leave your friends...there's something wrong.

   I have learned "Limited Edition" means piece of crap that is going to be replaced with a better version in the near future.

   XBox muppets may be laughing at us PS3 owners but at least we won't have to buy new consoles when the network's back up. No red circle of death for us.

   I am the guy that you never want to leave alone in the control room, I will always hit the red button.

   Life can be like a prick, Sometimes it gets hard for no apparent reason.

   Chloroform makes a fine cologne indeed. The ladies always fall for it.

   1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance......... The 5 stages of buying gas.

   Life log: It has been 19 days since the playstation has gone down.Everything seems so real.

   "SIT AND STUDY" - This stunt is performed by experts under controlled conditions. Don't try this at home or anywhere. :P

   i love it when I get tailgated on a bumpy road and the driver behind me has no time to avoid the really big pothole that takes away his body kit.

   Stupid Press.....thanks for letting the crazies know where the navy Seals families live....good job. "she can tell you about the plane crash with a gleam in her eye"

   typing the postcodes of nudist colonies into Google Earth and pressing 'zoom'...

   When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.