Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I think that the Goo Goo Dolls & Lady Gaga should go on tour together...the Goo Goo Gaga Tour!!

   The single hand that wipes your tears during your failures is better than the countless hands that come together to clap you on your success.

   On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. ( the shoplifters special??)

   I hate When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

   I hate When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

   you know I love you like a fat kid loves cake.. But i'm on a diet

   I just got a pre-declined credit card in the mail...wtf!

   thinks.... if he where have heard, even 10 years ago..."I google it and then facebook you the answer since I don't do tweets"... I would haved asked you what kind of drugs you were on...

   Turns out the new Dyson Ball cleaner isn't what I thought it was.

   The best thing about this weather is the short skirts & low cut tops......... Even if they do make me look gay!

   I just started an online dating site for Siamese twins....It's called "Connect 4!"

   The only thing worse than sitting on a cold toilet seat is sitting on a warm one.

   Trying to get the taste of Weed and Hooker Spit out of my mouth.

   I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

   Insanity is doing the same thing over & over again & expecting different results. In other words, I just logged into Facebook.

   You're the one who posted over a thousand pictures of yourself on-line, why does looking at them make me the weird one?

   I should learn how to swim... I'm missing 3/4 of the world...

   have you ever notices all the women who quote Marilynn Monroe, dont like nearly hot enough to be handled at their best, let alone their worst!!

   I am coming to grips with the statistical likelihood that I won't be winning tonight's Mega Millions®.

   My repunzle ended up being a b*tch in a costume...