Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If you're physically knocking someone down to get into the Casey Anthony trial then you need a letter from a mental health specialist proving why you're unemployable

   Woke up with the ghost of Gloria Gaynor at the foot of my bed... at first I was afraid... I was petrified

   When keeping it real goes bad - making an ass of yourself on your man's facebook wall while trying to mark your territory and make the hos on his friends list jealous.

   I hate when ugly people say "I need my beauty sleep" B!tch, you need to hibernate.

   so, you are what you eat. hmmm That's funny, because I haven't eaten any sexy beasts recently.

   I'v got a demon in me,evrything I touch goes wrong-The Hangover 2 ♥

   When visiting the plastic surgeon's office, never go for the sales rack.

   It doesn't matter where you go or what you do, if you don't check in on Facebook with your iPhone you were never really there.

   I was walking down the street and saw my Arab friend shaking a rug on his porch. I shouted out to him "What's wrong Ahmed, won't start?"

   it's very easy for a woman to impress a man. Just show up naked and bring beer.

   When will women ever learn? Never introduce your man to your hotter friend.

   lovin' this cold front of 93* its better than tha temp we been havin 103*...sincerely Alabama

   Dear Heart {♥} , Please stop getting involved in everything. Your job is to pump blood, that's it...

   Wanna make money through Facebook? Login to FB, Goto Accounts, Account Settings, Deactivate your account and Start Working!!

   the awkward moment when you find yourself typing awkward moment status updates

   Hi ho hi ho, it's off to work I go, to bust my a$$ for very little cash, hi ho hi ho hi ho hi ho

   I don't want to brag, but I'm pretty confident I could win a spelling be.

   asked the dunkin donuts drive thru if the frozen hot chocolate is frozen or hot. The response was ...interesting. Try it!

   Supervisors never get sick but their employees are sick throughout half the year...

   I always feel like I make a connection with a waitress whenever they take my order