Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
Sometimes people pretend you’re a bad person so they don’t feel guilty for the things they did to you. 
If your getting together with your 10 piece band to make a "Social Distancing Video" I think you've missed the point of social distancing.
In a world full of coronavirus, I wanna be your sanitizer
Think I'm starting to lose a little weight while one a new diet plan thats really working for me that's called the "Eat less so I don't have to go to the supermarket as often" diet plan.
What you need to ask yourself is…
Do you really like pancakes and waffles? Or are they just a syrup delivery vehicle?
Now would be an Ideal time for Netflix to release Sheldon Cooper presents Sheldon Cooper's "Fun With Flags"
You're traveling thru another dimension. A dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of dough, ricotta and mozzarella. Your next stop, the Twilight Calzone.
Ladies, even in social distancing, men exaggerate. They'll claim it's six feet, but it's really only three.
I married my wife for her good looks but not the ones she's been giving me lately.
Men try role reversal in bed, and you have a headache for once.
Don't kid your self would be a good name for a comdom.
"Nothing like a game of Twister, that's our motto." - Makers of IcyHot
My body absorbed so much hand sanitizer that when I pee it cleans the toilet...
If a fart can get through underwear and a pair of jeans how can a mask made of cloth protect you from Corona?
.. If there was a liars hall of fame. He would be first person inducted.
What do you call a man who has everything?...... A bachelor.
The two things a wife can do to make her husband happy are, pack her bags and leave.
They should change the name of our galaxy from the Milky Way to the Snickers. Let's face it, we're all nuts.
Quarantine starting to feel like Vegas in my house. Alcohol is acceptable at any hour, I’m losing money by the minute, and I don’t even know what time it is.
If we are being honest, we all have dated a man/woman that we would feed to a tiger. 