Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon What I love best about sex with a married woman is wiping myself off with her husband's clean underwear!
←Rate | 06-12-2011 12:54 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon in a world that has Taco Bell is there really a need for X-Lax? just sayin :)
←Rate | 06-12-2011 12:51 by Mr. Panky Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best thing about using exclamation marks is that no one knows how sad you are!!!
←Rate | 06-12-2011 12:50 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everybody loves pot brownies. But I bring crystal meth cupcakes to a party, suddenly I'm the weirdo.
←Rate | 06-12-2011 12:33 by Lozo Comments (0)  


   messageicon All Right.unless you are a cup of coffee stay outa my face for the next hour!
←Rate | 06-12-2011 11:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon man you should have seen this girl walking past me she said " omg your so hot I want you now" if you don't believe me ask Brad Pitt he was behind me.
←Rate | 06-12-2011 11:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
←Rate | 06-12-2011 10:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man, fishing's not that hard.
←Rate | 06-12-2011 09:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon you know you've had too much to drink when you try to fax someone a fruit rollup.
←Rate | 06-12-2011 09:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon tongue effing a hot pocket.........oh wait, is that one of the highly inappropriate status messages that makes christians unfriend me?
←Rate | 06-12-2011 09:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How do you know you've found Lebron James' cell phone? It vibrates and receives calls, but doesn't have a ring!
←Rate | 06-12-2011 09:33 by Will Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got a cialis caught in my throat...I've had a stiff neck for 36 hours
←Rate | 06-12-2011 07:27 by K-Mac Comments (0)  


   messageicon The tv show American Pickers ought to be renamed to American Pickers & Hoarders
←Rate | 06-12-2011 07:26 by wildflowers Comments (0)  


   messageicon if I knit you a sweater, Computer, will you stop freezing?
←Rate | 06-12-2011 05:54 by Zap Comments (0)  


   messageicon Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
←Rate | 06-12-2011 05:24 by Will Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm old enough to know what's right and wrong, but I'm too young to care.
←Rate | 06-12-2011 05:22 by Dopey 420 Comments (0)  


   messageicon have you noticed that when somebody in a movie is told to look out the window they never go to the wrong one?
←Rate | 06-12-2011 05:10 by ARM Comments (0)  


   messageicon i am dating this really sweet homeless chic, she just asked me to move out with her
←Rate | 06-12-2011 02:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon just looked in the mirror and saw your next boyfriend
←Rate | 06-12-2011 02:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I feel like you guys are only my friends for my statuses
←Rate | 06-12-2011 02:11 Comments (0)  



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